The Waves Came Crashing

Before

Cupping the mug to warm her palms, Elise went over and sat beside the window, on the cold marble sill, watching the raindrops stream down the glass. She put her nose over the twirling fumes and inhaled the sweet aroma of her jasmine tea. She had learnt to draw pleasure from these simple things since nothing exciting of a higher magnitude ever happened in this dull, gloomy town. It had been three years since she moved here, to Jasonville, although it seemed like much longer. Time stood still; day and night were hard to distinguish courtesy of the dark clouds that would always hover above, engulfing all in their shadows. Even the ever-changing beauty the different seasons brought with them was lost here, making every day the same.

Thinking back on her moving day, Elise let out a wry laugh. She’d been gripped with anxiety about leaving her hometown after having spent her entire 22-year-old life there. She’d made the decision of pursuing her diploma in Painting, and Jasonville State University was quite renowned for that field of study. She remembered staring at her pale reflection in her bedroom mirror, her dark brown hair tied in a messy ponytail, her almond shaped eyes riddled with nervousness. “It’s the best one there is! Don’t worry at all, my darling. You’ll be perfectly fine once you settle down.”, her mother had reassured her. And so, she had moved to Jasonville. The first year of her two-year program went by in the blink of an eye. The rigorous courses, numerous assignments and long training sessions, hardly gave her any time to herself. She had absolutely loved the fast-paced, active routine and was doing quite well academically too! It was after her first year, that she met Edward, or Professor Ross, as he was introduced then. At the mere age of 30, Edward was already the Head of the Creative Arts Division of the university and was very respected in the campus. He was somewhat a legend, and everyone who took his class, especially the girls, simply adored him. Tall and lean, with sapphire eyes, he was quite charming, but it was his smile that made womankind weak in the knees. But Elise didn’t care for all that, she was here to focus on her degree. About a month into her second year, she had stayed back in class to ask a few doubts. It was then, while having a discussion with him about brush techniques, when she noticed that his interest in her lay beyond the capacity of a student.

Soon enough, they would meet almost daily under the pretext of discussing the coursework, although it was clear to the both of them that what they had wasn’t platonic. However, due to social stigma, they kept it a secret and never made it official. When they met after college ended a year later, he directly asked for her hand in marriage, insisting he didn’t want to wait any longer. Having had a failed marriage once, Edward wasn’t keen about getting remarried so soon, but meeting Elise had brought back the smile he thought he’d lost forever. He didn’t want to lose it again, he told her. Elise was taken aback by the proposal; she hadn’t planned to get married so young! There were so many things she wanted to do before she settled down. She wanted to become a professional painter, go travelling and most importantly, she wanted to fulfill her lifelong wish – of going on a sea cruise. The beautiful sea, she had seen in many picture books and movies, had made her want to go on a cruise, ever since she was old enough to remember. The hushed sound of waves crashing on the rocks, the sea breeze in her hair, the smell of the salty water and the pier that led to the cruise – this was her dream! Alas, when her mother heard about the situation, she was more than elated to marry her daughter off to the most eligible, respectable bachelor in Jasonville, as early as possible. And so, reluctantly, Elise obliged.

“The hushed sound of waves crashing on the rocks, the sea breeze in her hair, the smell of the salty water and the pier that led to the cruise – this was her dream!”

Thus, Elise became Mrs. Ross. Despite having her life plan reshuffled, Elise was in marital bliss with Edward! He was sweet, gentle and spoiled her with many gifts. He treated her like a queen and gave her complete freedom to do whatever she desired. She was happy and in love, and it felt great! Unfortunately, the euphoria lasted but a few months. As she sat at the window sill, now, a year after her marriage to Edward, she frowned, thinking about the drastic change in his behavior since their wedding. She had started noticing the gradual change in his demeanor as the days went by. He started talking less, was always caught up at work and got back home very late, if at all. When she asked him if anything was the matter, he would only blame the stressful workload. Deep down, Elise knew this was an excuse, something else just wasn’t right but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

Her doubts were confirmed that one evening, when Edward got home from the university, six months ago. It was the first time that Edward had ever gotten angry with her, and for what reason, too! Bored with sitting idly in the house, she had decided to take up painting again and had made a mural in their living room - the scene at the docks from her dreams. The waves crashing on the rocks, the pier going up to the cruise - all painted in red, however, to match the theme of the living room. She was quite proud of her work, and wanted it to be a pleasant surprise for Edward, but sadly, it was quite the opposite. After his fit of anger, Elise avoided speaking to Edward for a few days for the fear of him yelling at her again; he had never even raised his voice at her before this incident. Three days passed by in silence, before Edward apologized to her, blaming the stressful workload for his outburst. She could see the pain in his eyes as he held her hand in his, asking for her forgiveness. Feeling sorry for him, she had embraced him. But that wasn’t the end of it.

“The latent dissatisfaction made the grey clouds in Jasonville seem darker to Elise. ”

Things never went back to normal, and Edward became colder, just as the days did. He was hardly ever at home, even on weekends, and when he was, he was always lost in his thoughts, quiet. The latent dissatisfaction made the grey clouds in Jasonville seem darker to Elise. Edward had even forgotten their anniversary the previous week! Despite her relentless pleas, they would neither go out for social outings nor would Edward invite any friends over; until today. Today was the day when things would hopefully change for the better, Elise prayed. Edward had finally invited his colleague and friend, Adam Gray, over for dinner at their place. Enthused by the break from routine, she had prepared a grand five course meal, complete with a wonderful apple pie for dessert!

The sound of the doorbell made Elise snap back to reality; they were here! She hurried to the kitchen, set down her mug on the counter, straightened her dress and rushed to the door, combing her hair with her fingers on the way. Adam Gray, a professor of Oil Painting at the university, was not at all like how Elise had imagined him to be. She had imagined a middle-aged man, with greying hair, glasses and a serious face, but her imagination was far off. With cropped, chestnut-colored hair, a slim frame and a slight stubble, Adam’s dark brown eyes had a glint of intelligence in them. He smiled warmly at her as she ushered him to the living room, with Edward at his side. Dinner went by in a blur, filled with laughter and conversation. Having had experience in oil painting, Elise was quite intrigued by Adam’s work and was prompt in asking many questions. Edward, however, seemed quite dejected throughout the dinner, and was quiet apart from the occasional pleasantries. Elise ignored him, however, the conversation with Adam was far too interesting to be bothered by Edward’s behavior right now. When it was time for Adam to leave, he asked if Elise would be interested in attending a few of his workshops, down at the university. Ecstatic, she asked Edward if he was fine with it. Disinterested, he mumbled a “Sure, whatever…”, and she practically jumped with joy!

Attending Adam’s workshops was more gratifying than Elise had expected! She appreciated the academic routine more now, considering her past year. An ardent learner, she grasped the concepts quickly and did well in the workshops. As the weeks went by, she and Adam, too, grew closer. They would have lunch together and he gave her special attention even in his workshops. They started meeting outside of work, too, and on weekends. They would go to the park for walks and watch movies together. Edward’s absence at home made it easy to go out with Adam without having to lie, not like he would’ve cared to ask anyway. He had lost all interest in his marriage with her, now. Adam, on the other hand, genuinely cared about Elise and frequently asked her about how she was doing, which Edward had stopped doing so long ago. Being with Adam made her realize how neglected she had felt with Edward, ever since he changed. She realized that Adam, too, noticed this and maybe even felt a little sorry for her.

“He saw her eyes gleam as she told him about the scene at the docks she so desperately wanted to see...”

About two months after she met Adam, in one of his workshops, he asked his students to conduct an exercise which would help bring more life into their paintings. He told everyone to close their eyes and try finding their “happy place”, a place where you had no worries, a place that filled you with joy, a place you never wanted to leave. He urged his students to visit their happy place before painting a new piece, claiming that this practice would bring out their best work. After that class, as Adam walked her to the gate of the university, he asked Elise what her happy place was. He saw her eyes gleam as she told him about the scene at the docks she so desperately wanted to see; the waves crashing on the rocks, the wind in her hair, the salty sea breeze and the pier leading to the cruise. “I guess it’ll always remain just a dream...”, she said with a sad smile.

Things with Edward kept going south. As Elise got home, she would shiver thinking of what new horror she would witness. His fits of anger became more frequent and Elise would often wake up with bruises on her wrists, scars from their fights. He had even stopped apologizing now. She feared that his behavior had worsened since she started seeing Adam, but she was sure she had taken utmost care not to be seen with Adam outside of the workshop. But the timing was uncanny. Edward would only hurt her on the days she would go out Adam; it was as if he knew, although he never uttered a single word to her. Adam noticed the bruises on her wrists, despite her best efforts to hide them and suggested that maybe they should stop meeting if it was only hurting her. It pained him to not see her, but he couldn’t leave her with the monster of a man that Edward had become. So he asked her to see him one last time, the day she would say goodbye.

Surprisingly, it was a sunny Saturday in Jasonville and the clouds didn’t veil the sky as always. Elise, dressed a simple, white sundress, waited at the university gate for Adam to arrive. Her dress was dotted with small pink daisies which seemed to sway in the light breeze. Five minutes passed before Adam came by in his car, a steel grey Sentra. Instead of turning towards the parking area, he came to a stop in front of the gate and opened the door for her. “Hop in! We’re going for a trip today!”, he said as he let out a laugh. Even after Elise got into the passenger’s seat, Adam refused to tell her where they were headed, despite her incessant requests. As if to pique her curiosity further, he took out a blind fold from the glove compartment and asked her to put it on! When she expressed her reluctance, he only said “Come on, El! Let it be a surprise, will you?” She rolled her eyes at him, but eventually put on the blindfold.

It was as if her other senses had been heightened now that her eyes were closed. Adam’s voice as he hummed a tune, seemed sweeter and his fingers as they brushed her thighs, seemed softer. She squirmed at his touch and he laughed and said, “Just a few more minutes, and then your misery will be over.” He wasn’t lying. About 10 minutes later, they got out of the car, and he led her up a flight of stairs, still with her blindfold on until finally they stopped. Even as Adam took off her blindfold, she already knew where they were; the smell was unmistakable. She opened her eyes to the most beautiful sight she had ever laid eyes on – the docks from her dream. The sun glinted off the waves as they crashed on the rocks, creating a rhythmic humming sound as they did. The wind blew into her hair, making her smile. She was here, in her happy place. Unwilling to interrupt her thoughts, Adam slowly held her hand. She gasped at his touch, and embraced him tightly, a broad smile on her face. When they finally parted, he whispered in her ear, “What if I told you that the dream could go on forever?” She looked at him, puzzled, as he led her towards the pier. “I asked a friend of mine if I could borrow it… I know it’s not the cruise you wanted, but…”, he smiled sheepishly. She looked at the end of the pier, where a boat stood. Painted in white with red and blue stripes, the boat swayed as the waves crashed on its sides. He stopped at the edge of the wooden pier, turned back at her to smile and then jumped on board. She was still struggling to fathom what he meant by forever, when he put out his hand towards her. “Let’s leave, Elise. We don’t need to stay here anymore! Come with me, just put an end to your suffering!”, he said, eyes beaming with hope. His words hit her like lightening. Leave?! Just like that? What about Edward? I can’t just leave… Can I? She pored into Adam’s deep, brown eyes, cleared of her indecision as she did. Without looking back, she jumped.

After

Edward stood on the rooftop of the building, staring at the quiet countryside. It was imperative for an institution of such a kind to be far away from the bustling city atmosphere. He stood at the edge of the building, looking down. A tear trickled down from his cheek, he didn’t bother wiping them anymore. He still couldn’t believe it. Elise is gone… He had never thought that she would do this; he had never thought she would go… not like this…

The sunlight bounced off the new solar panels piercing his eyes, making him squint. He couldn’t help but feel angry looking at them; as if they were to blame. If they hadn’t been installing these solar panels, the door to the roof would’ve been locked. The pump near the water tank made a rhythmic, humming sound which reminded him of sea waves crashing on rocks. The strong breeze tugged at his hair. He took a deep, shaky breath, trying hard to regain his composure. The vapor from the water tanks mixed with the dust and made the air very musty, almost salty. He winced at the smell. He turned to leave and walked back to the stairs. He knew he would get sick if he waited here any longer, although the smell wouldn’t be the reason why; he just couldn’t bear looking over the edge.

“He still couldn’t believe it. Elise is gone… He had never thought that she would do this; he had never thought she would go… not like this…”

Coming back to his cabin, he stumbled into his chair. He looked out the window. The weather seemed exceptionally gloomy today, in contrast to the typical sunny days in Jasonville. He sighed. He had known her for two years, even though she came here a year before that. The first year for new joiners was mainly focused on rehabilitation and group activities. It is the second year, in which individual progress is tracked. When he first met her, things weren’t so bad, in fact she seemed perfectly fine. The calm before the storm, perhaps. It was about six months ago that he realized the gravity of her condition, when she made that painting; the horrific painting depicting sea waves crashing on rocks. He remembered how terrorized he had been, when he walked in to her room watching her paint the crimson strokes with her finger, using her own blood to paint. He had taken days to recover from the shock. He had increased her dosage since then, but she only seemed to worsened. She would keep mumbling to herself, words without context or relevance. Apart from this, she would get violent fits quite often in the past month. Although Edward hated it, he had to use restraints to keep her from hurting herself and others. The bruises on her wrists filled him with guilt, but he could not lose her, like he did his last patient. Whenever he walked into her room now, he could see the fear in her eyes; it pained him to see her afraid of him like this, but his primary duty was to keep her safe. But he had failed, yet again.

“When he first met her, things weren’t so bad, in fact she seemed perfectly fine. The calm before the storm, perhaps.”

He rummaged through his drawer and took out the stamp marked CLOSED and punched it over the file on his desk. Taking a deep breath, he opened the file to the first page, his hands quivering as he did, afraid to read the report.

JASONVILLE CENTER FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Name: Elise Adams               

Age: 25 years             

Sex: Female

Registration No.: WVI8SKE5

Duration of convalescence: 3 years

Primary doctor: Dr. Edward Ross

Diagnosis: Schizophrenia

Cause of death: Suicide

As he closed his eyes, he could feel her almond eyes boring into him, the pain and disappointment in them, clear as day. He could feel her gaze piercing him, sharp like nails, but opening his eyes wouldn’t make it go away. He knew she would be there to torment him, every time he closed his eyes. A constant reminder of his failure.